I don’t believe it. From the beginning, I struggled to believe it and after reading the reports and the statements and the pile-on of repugnance, I am still not convinced that she is guilty. Like her close friend I could only believe it if she turned round and admitted it. Even then, people for all sorts of strange reasons, will admit to crimes they have never committed. The truth is, I don’t know, only God knows and I could be very wrong, as so often I am, but there is something deeply unsettling and unconvincing about the way the trial has run its course and the public reaction that disturbs me. My gut says “Maybe it’s not right”.

Again, I have not heard all the evidence or sat through the proceedings and so my judgement is at best flimsy, nor am I lawyer, still I have what could be considered reasonable doubts. Was there any direct evidence? How much was circumstantial? Are text messages and scribbled notes genuine evidence of guilt? Was there any real proof of motive? Were post-mortems conclusive? And behind it all was there an unholy rush, to find and identify someone, a scape goat to divert attention from other failings?

The big question remains. Is it possible for a jury to get it wrong? The answer is an unequivocal “Yes”. Jury’s do sometimes get it wrong; they don’t always get it right. There have been miscarriages in the past and likely to be in the future. Sometimes individuals have been wrongly denied justice and incarcerated for decades while others have died without hearing that their verdict was quashed.

I don’t believe it, but I recognise that my judgment could simply be based on a flawed feeling. Was it the fact that the images of the attractive caring nurse, with the baby pulled on my emotional weakness and made me not want to believe it? It certainly played a part. I recognise that. My experience as a prison volunteer may also colour my judgement. At the same time, I do not doubt that any one of us are capable of the most heinous of crimes. It is only by God’s mercy that we are restrained and spared that.   

But I am still not sure. The judgment, however, has been given, so we have to accept that and, if it doesn’t sound like a crass contradiction, I do hope the judgement was safe and that they got it right, because the horror of the alternative would be as great as the one experienced by the grieving parents.